The Black Bundle that is Worry

A woman had a dream...in her dream, she was walking along a highway with a large crowd of people, all of whom seemed very tired and burdened.  The people were all carrying little black bundles, and she noticed that more bundles were being dropped along the way by numerous repulsive-looking creatures that seemed quite demonic in nature.  As the bundles were dropped, the people stooped down to pick them up and carry them.  Like everyone else in her dream, she also carried her needless load, being weighted down with the devil's bundles.  After a while, she looked up and saw a Man whose face was loving and bright as He moved through the crowd, comforting the people.  Finally He came to her, and she realized it was her Savior.  She looked at Him, telling Him how tired she was, and He smiled sadly and said, "My dear child, these bundles you carry are not from me, and you have no need of them.  They are the devil's burdens, and they are wearing out your life.  You need to drop them and simply refuse to touch them with even one of your fingers.  Then you will find your path easy, and you will feel as if "I carried you on eagles' wings" (Exodus 19:4).  The Savior touched her hand, and peace and joy quickly filled her soul...  Taken from Streams in the Desert

I wouldn't consider myself a worrier, necessarily.  I mean, most of the time I am able to recognize the burden bundles that litter my path and simply disregard them.  Most of the time.  But I'm not content with most of the time.  I want to grow in the consistency of my faith.  And just when I think I'm getting closer, I discover that the jaw clenching of worry surfaces and those little black bundles are perched upon my shoulders.  I need reminders like the one above.  Visual images.  Timely challenges to just let it go already.

For me, there is a reason that Matthew 6:34 says "So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries"  (click hear to read the verse in context).  I tend not to worry about today.  Today seems more manageable.  More tangible.  More "here."  Tomorrow is where I have issues.  I worry about making ends meet.  I worry about the brakes on my van.  I worry about my hospitalized Grandpa and his health and the what ifs.  I worry about my kids spiritual and social and academic lives.  I worry about my future in general.  My kids' future.  I worry about my parents.  My family.  I worry about knowing what's next and where it will be and how I will know.  It's all tomorrow stuff.  Which is not even here yet.  So why do I weigh myself down so?  It's silly.  I even worry about worrying sometimes...after all, isn't there is a responsibility to lend an ear to those blaring worries and figure out an action plan, etc., etc., etc.  Isn't there?  Sure.  Maybe.  But maybe not.  Maybe that's just an excuse to worry.

Sometimes my worry is birthed out of pride.  The pride that I can handle things on my own.  That I'm smart enough, strong enough and spiritual enough.  And we all know where pride leads...nowhere.  And fast.

Sometimes my worry is birthed out of forgetfulness.  You'd think after the oodles of stories in scripture, books and magazines...in my life and yours...you'd think that I would remember God is faithful.  If I can trust Him with my yesterday and with my today, I'm pretty sure He can handle my tomorrow and next month and next year.  Yet I forget that simple fact at times.

Sometimes my worry is birthed out of other things that seems to dispute the feeling that I'm not really a worrier by nature.  No, I'm not one that regularly imagines issues that don't exist and then let them control my day.  But as I dutifully digested the above story this morning, I realized that I needed the reminder.  Desperately.  For last night was a night of worry.  Perhaps even some issue imagining.  Boy was it ever.  Understandable?  Absolutely.  Did it solve anything?  Not a chance.

God will take care of my budget, my van, my grandpa, my family, my kids, my future and even the imaginary scenarios.  He will.  It's a fact because He says it is.  But since He knows how thick my skull can be and how guarded my heart is, He very graciously provides a very impressive resume for my perusal as I wrestle with this whole worry thing. 

He doesn't have to do that, you know.  The resume providing.  His word should be enough.  But He does it anyway.  Because He understands.  He understands our limited vision.  He understands how hard it is to let go.  And yes, He understands the pressure that December can create with rising heating costs, Christmas, end of year budgets, tired vehicles, tired kids, tired mamas...and all those cold weather issues that creep up.  It is not coincidental that He made sure we actually had a date on our calendars to help us with that whole Philippians 4:6 thing...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I wonder if that's why Thanksgiving is at the end of November?  So we don't have any excuses.  Thank first.  Ask second.  That's the order He assures us will work.  And it does.  Go figure.

I've used countless forms of imagery to assist me in laying my burdens down, in ridding my life of worry.  I've read the verses and listened to the songs.  It's still gut-wrenchingly difficult.  It's still discouraging when I have a night of worry even when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He has it under control.  It's still a bummer when I wake up in the morning and realize that I focused more on the future unknowns than the current blessings. 

Thankfully, God is patient and kind.  He still offers irrefutable evidence of His faithfulness.  Small gestures.  Proof that He cares about everything on my mind and then some.  He gives me countless reasons to rejoice in His faithfulness.

I don't know where you're at today.  I don't know how the realization that it's already December 1st makes you feel.  I do  know where I'm at today...and that's a better place than I was last night.  Because today, yet again, I am choosing to attempt to drop that ugly ole burden down and just rest in knowing that I'm taken care of.  Choosing to attempt is not guaranteed success.  I am human, after all.  But it's a start, and a continuation and sometimes it's the ending, too.  The ending of all this worry garbage...one black bundle at a time.

I know that many of you have lots going on.  Lots of things in your life that are difficult to not worry about.  I know this because you've told me.  And because, like me, you're human.  So let's get rid of the black bundle that is worry.  Deliberately and specifically.  Let's learn to live freely and lightly. 

And let's do it together. 

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.  Matthew 11:28-30, The Message