Back to my parents being awesomer than coffee...
It can best be summed up in the telling of what took place one day in my living room. One of those days that seems like yesterday and like an eternity ago all at the same time, when it reality it was just a year and a half ago...one of the opening chapters of my story. I called my folks. I told them I needed to meet with them. They said OK and hightailed it over here. I would like to point out that they live several hours away. Not down the street. Not a town or two over. It was a road trip. But they had figured out I wouldn't have asked them to do something like that if it wasn't important, so it was a no-brainer to them. That's the kind of people they are.
They arrived. I poured coffee for dad and I. I cut to the chase, unpacking 12 years worth of stuff I had never shared with them, or anybody else, in record time. They tried to hug me. I wouldn't let them. I unpacked some more stuff I had never shared with them, or anybody else. They tried to hug me. I let them. After hearing things that no parent wants to hear... of my hurt, of my failures, of just how drastically different my life was at age 30-something than any of us would have ever expected...it changed nothing about how they viewed me. Zilch. Zip. Nada. Like Christ, my parents love me for who I am, not what I am or what I do or what I don't do or what "status" I have. Who I am. It's awesome, if you really think about it. But as I said before...my parents are awesome, so I shouldn't have been surprised.
They have been with me every step of the way. I wouldn't have blamed them at all for reacting differently to my situation. In fact, I have had countless people say that as well. To my parents it was a no-brainer. Just like that trip to my house. It's what parents do. But I had hurt them by keeping things from them for a long time. They thought they had done something wrong. They thought the distance that at times existed was because I was upset with them. That fact right there totally breaks my heart. It also breaks my heart to realize that if I would have continued to hold them at arm's length rather than call them that day, they love me enough to not push their way in. A severed relationship would have been me and my stinkin' pride's fault. Honestly, I don't really spend much time dwelling on that, because it would have been awful, and it didn't happen that way. But I do realize that's part of what could have been, which makes me even more grateful for what is.
They've been members of my team. And just like the rest of my team, they've said things I haven't always liked to hear. They've pointed out perspectives that aren't always comfortable. They've challenged me. And that's OK. It's part of what makes them awesome. Of course, I didn't feel that way when they were grounding me from hairspray in my pre-teen years because I had gotten lippy with them...but you'll have that in the era of 80's hair. I mean...does anything warrant taking away a girls hairspray? I think not.
I sat in one of four parent/teacher conferences yesterday and the conversation turned towards a topic I didn't really expect to come up in such an early elementary conference. This teacher is a friend of mine whom I've known for a good 15 years or so, I do believe. She's an awesome teacher with a heart the size of Montana. We talked about how early these "social status" games start, with girls especially. And how hurtful it can be. We talked about how kids pick up on things and then incorporate them into their own attitudes. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good. Sometimes from their peers, often from their parents. I don't like games. Especially ones that seem to have unfair "rules." As a mom, I don't want my kids to be punished for my shortcomings. I don't want them to be limited by my weaknesses. I don't want them to be defined by how much money we have or how typical we appear. I don't want them to be judged based on parts of their reality that are not their fault. Yet sadly, it can happen. Yes, I do hold the power to teach my kids otherwise, but it's such a helpless feeling when you send them off into the wild blue yonder day after day. So, we talked about a lot of things along these lines and figured very little of it out. I'll be honest, I was disheartened. Until the teacher said these words:
There isn't a day that goes by that your child walks through those doors questioning your love for her. She is secure in you and your love and your care and no matter what anybody else thinks about you or her, she knows she's OK.
The same could be said about me. There isn't a day that goes by that I question my parents love for me. No matter what door I'm walking through, I am secure in that. I know they aren't perfect. I know that their awesomeness is because of a Bigger Awesomeness that they have chosen to live for. But, truth be told, they're still awesome. My parents are the epitome of the Christ-like love that each of us should live out.
And for that I am truly grateful.
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