Just Keepin' it Real...

I was mad last night.  Irritated.  Frustrated.  Upset.  Whatever you want to call it.  And frankly, it's understandable why that was the case.  Something happened.  It wasn't cool.  As I called/texted my "people" that help me keep things in check, they confirmed that it was one of those times that if I hadn't been upset there would be something wrong with me.  But, they also were quick to encourage, perhaps even challenge me to not let it consume or control me.  I love having those people in my life.  Because even if a hurt or offense is one that would naturally lead to an understandable reaction of anger, that doesn't mean it does any good at all to hold on to it.  I've always known that with my brain.  And when I've chosen to let go of things that I have a so called "right" to be upset about, God has always been faithful to give me true and lasting freedom and comfort.  In other words, He's been faithful to give my heart the opportunity to catch up with my brain.  In fact, it's at those moments that I can have had the most authentic and deep relationships with others and Him.  I think we can all look back at a page or two in our story in which this proves true.  I just so happen to have had a lot of those pages in the more recent chapters of mine.

So as I sat down to determine what I would do in the aftermath of my frustration, I decided to give thanks.  I sat down, pen and cards in hand and started writing.  And writing.  And writing.  And in doing so, I not only took my eyes off of myself, but I realized how much I have to be thankful for.  How many people God has placed in my path that have served a specific and lasting purpose.  He is so good to me.  And there truly is power in gratitude as the book Learning to Dance the Rain by Mac Anderson and BJ Gallagher indicates.  It's a compilation of quotes and stories that confirm time and again the power that exists in being thankful.  It's an easy and excellent read.  And it's not really even from a so-called "Christian" perspective.  Just think of how much more power there is when you add God into the picture of being thankful!  We're talking serious business.

Now, I wish I could tell you that I woke up this morning with the same size smile I went to bed with last night.  But I didn't.  Perhaps it was the many interruptions in my sleep due to a child with the stomach flu.  Perhaps it was my weird dreams.  Or maybe, just maybe, it was because I'm a human being that is far from being perfect.  Whatever it was, I was grumpy.  So, since the weather, schedule and out of town guests allowed it, I went for a run.  I listened to some Hillsong music.  I thought.  I prayed.  I wrestled with God. 

And then I got the mail.

I opened a large padded envelope which contained a book.  A bracelet.  A note.  The contents couldn't have been more applicable.  The timing couldn't have been more perfect. 

As I cried, I was reminded of the many truths that God has spent my entire lifetime trying to get to soak into my thick skull and guarded heart.  I am so glad He is patient with me.  I am so glad that in His sovereignty He has allowed me to make my own choices, even when they have been awful ones, in order to refine me and draw Him closer to Him than I have ever been.  And I love it.  Talk about an adventure...

So there you have it.  In case you didn't already know that I'm not perfect and can even be grumpy sometimes (insert gasp of shock here), now you know.  But hopefully you also now know that gratitude is a very powerful weapon against the enemy that is trying to destroy us and keep us from keeping a God-centered perspective.  And hopefully you've been reminded that the same God which has been taking care of me so thoroughly will do the same for you as you let go of the things that He needs you to let go of.  It's in the letting go that we can be free to move forward and pick up the bigger and better that He has waiting for us. 

And that's about as real as it gets.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

(Philippians 3:12-14, The Message)

 

 

The Lighter Side

Warning...this is not a post about dieting or losing weight.  Since that's probably the last thing anyone wants to write or read about this time of year.  :)  It is, however, a randomly crafted post about some of the lighter moments of our Christmas break so far.  We've had our share of very deep and meaningful moments, which will surface here eventually.  And though it's truly been an awesome Christmas season, there have been a few heavy moments here and there.  But, I would be amiss if I didn't share at least a few of these with you...because they are funny.  At least to me.

It's the morning of December 25th.  There I sit in a rocking chair.  Christmas tree lights are on.  Kids are all sitting in their assigned seats next to their stockings.  I have just read the Christmas story.  We are getting ready to pray to thank God for His gift of Jesus and the ways He has taken such good care of us.  Hudson, age 7, raises his hand and declares that he has a very important announcement to make that MUST take place prior to prayer.  Expecting a blog-worthy epiphany, I tell him to go ahead.  And he says:  "I just want everyone to know that they should not come sit on this couch with me.  I just tooted and it's a REALLY stinky one."  Really???  Sigh....

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by singing loud for all to hear, right?  Yep.  Which is why I decided to sing along to the Christmas tunes in a crowded restaurant.  What is awesome is that my kids still think I'm cool enough to join in rather than shrink in their seats.  Not sure how much longer that will last, but I'll take it!

Brooklyn and I talk a lot about the fact that God is always with us...that He's everywhere.  So every once in a while she will blurt things out like "Is God on my head right now?"  "Is God sitting on my lap?" I always respond positively.  And then I giggle on the inside as she tries to hold as still as possible, moving only her big blue eyes, trying to see if she can "catch" God without accidentally knocking Him over.  It makes me smile.  She and I have a great time together...when she doesn't insist on acting like I did when I was here age.  :)

Ashlyn's all time burping record is 27 times in one day.  I know this because she decided to count them.  And yes, we are most definitely working on some Miss Manners type behavior as a result.

We've had a few road trips over the last week and a half.  And with four kids, those tend to be rather interesting in and of themselves.  Add to that the fact that my 9 year old daughter likes to play DJ, and we're all in trouble.  The joy on her face was indescribable as she repeated the same song for 2.5 hours, thinking that I didn't notice until the last 45 minutes of the trip.  It just made me laugh.  But let me tell you, did we ever jam out.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I embarrassed her even though nobody could hear us.  Let me also tell you that my kids now know all the lyrics to  the Glee Cast version of "Last Christmas."  Which leads to a few funny looks when coming out of a five year olds mouth. 

My kids have started calling me Mommy Gaga.  They must have found my New Year's Eve party costume.

The only way Hudson would let me take a photo of the kids in their Christmas Eve jammies by the tree (that actually included him) is if I let him give his mint chocolate candy cane a place in the spotlight.  So this is what I ended up with...

And do I even need to try to tell you the amount of craziness that went into taking this photo of my parents and all their grandkids??

I'm pretty sure there are at least a hundred more light hearted moments that I made a mental note of when they happened and have forgotten all about.  Needless to say, I'm thankful for the extreme silliness, sometimes planned and other times rather spontaneous, that we've experienced over the past little while.  And I'm pretty sure God enjoys it when we enjoy that silliness...just another way He provides for us as far as I'm concerned.

My Thoughts on...Christmas (version 2010)

Thanksgiving posts are easy.  We all tend to post about what we're thankful for.  They are personal, unique and acceptably predictable.

Christmas posts, however, are different.  We each have a "spin" on Christmas.  How God is working in our hearts.  How our circumstances impact our perspective.  The new and old and surprising parts of how the entire season plays out.  And that's awesome. 

I've read some pretty great blog posts, articles, Facebook notes, etc., etc., etc about Christmas.  But honestly, I'm not sure what more needs to be said.  And more truthfully, I'm not sure what my simple reflections would really add.

I could tell you all about the standing traditions that have held their ground this year versus the new traditions in the making.

I could tell you about the various passages of scripture, characters of the nativity or even songs that have popped out for me this year.

I could tell you about the conversations I've had with the kids, often initiated by them, which have brought all of us back to the starting place of why we have Christmas and what's truly important.

I could tell you about the amazing people in my life (some of whom I know, others which have remained anonymous) who have made this one of the most significantly authentic and deeply rooted Christmases ever.

I could write about the struggle we all have, if we're honest, as we play that balance of "Well, at least I don't have it that bad" versus "Boy, I really wish..."  versus "I'm OK with where God has me right now."  You know the one:  the Could Have Should Have Would Have Game.  Or maybe I'm the only one...

I could tell you all about how God has blessed us...and I don't mean with "stuff."  Though He's surprised us with some tangible gifts this year, too, and I want to make sure I thank Him for that.  I mean the blessings that come as we learn and grow and really lean into Him.  Blessings that come after some incredibly hard work, often some pain...always accompanied by God's faithfulness.

I could tell you about all those things, and probably much more, since I do tend to be long winded from time to time.  And I guess in even making the above list I am sort of telling you about them.  Should've thought that one through.  :-)

Now, for those of you that are a part of the "Beck, You're Going to Write a Book Someday" club...never fear, I am taking notes.  Because as many of you know, the last few months, and especially recent weeks, have been full of God orchestrated stories that may need to be told someday...  As for the rest of you, well, I don't suspect you will lost any sleep over the lack of details.

Bottom line is this...my thoughts on Christmas this year, simply put, are taken from Isaiah 9:6.

For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Merry Christmas.

And Happy Birthday, Jesus.  You amaze me.
 
 
 

One Word: Gifts

My Christmas Gift by Crystal Bowman
"On Christmas morning, with sleepy eyes, children wake up to find a surprise.  Under the tree are presents galore, wrapped in paper and stacked on the floor.

Presents for Grandma, Sister, and Brother - why do we give these gifts to each other?  Why do we celebrate Christmas each year?  The Bible explains it - the answer is clear.

It all began on a starry night, when angels sang and the sky became bright.  Jesus the Savior had come down to earth.  The heavenly angels told of his birth.

God loved the world so he gave us his Son.  This wonderful gift is for everyone.  If we love Jesus and truly believe, eternal life is the gift we receive.

And then we will live in heaven someday, where sadness and troubles all go away.  We'll always be happy.  We'll dance and sing.  And we will see Jesus, our Savior and King.

It's fun to find presents under the tree and give Christmas gifts to your family.  But the very best gift comes from above - it's Jesus the Savior, wrapped in God's love."

This is the bedtime book I read to the younger girls tonight.  It's pretty simple, isn't it?  Perhaps that's why I like it.  Simplicity is rare in our culture.  We (and by that, I most certainly mean me, myself and I) tend to over analyze, question and dissect.  Extensively.  Yet, the simple truth found in a children's book of not only what Christmas is truly a celebration of, but of the underlying message of God's unconditional and lavish love...well, that, my dear friends, is simply refreshing.  Is it not?

One of my love languages is gifts.  I feel loved when I receive them.  I express love by giving them.  And to be brutally honest, I have really struggled having this particular love language.  Sometimes it's when there are gifts around (my over analytical brain and guarded-ness are to thank for that). And sometimes it's when there aren't any gifts to be found.  And no...I did not try to come up with that fun little rhyme.  Purely coincidence.  Anyway...even though God made me this way, at different times I've felt guilty or shallow or petty about this whole gift love language thing.  Until I realized that it's OK.  Well...sometimes it's OK.  It's OK when I can place all the other gifts in perspective by first realizing that God Himself is the ultimate gift giver. 

Yes, He gave us the gift of His Son. 

Eternal life with Him.

Grace.  Mercy.  Forgiveness.  Protection.  Provision.  Truth. 

Unconditional and unfailing love.

But His gifts take tangible forms, too.  Sometimes they take the form of the contents of an anonymously sent envelope in the mail.  Sometimes they take the form of deep and genuine relationships.  Sometimes they take the form of the sense of true peace that you know can only originate from God Himself.  And yes, sometimes they take the form of humorous comments made by a child such as "Mom, I'm sorry for sticking up my naughty finger at myself when you weren't watching" or "It's ok if I sleep in, I'll just save time in the morning by eating my cereal while I sit on the toilet."

Sometimes, His gifts take the form of two sisters happily creating masterpieces together while munching on cereal.

Or the form of a very special lady holding her 10th great-grandchild.

Perhaps they look fun...

Or beautiful...

Or as fabulously significant as this smile...

Hand crafted and pure...

Or oddly humorous...

Whatever the gifts are, they are always unique and perfectly timed...and not to be put in a box.  Well, theoretically speaking.  Sometimes His gifts may come in a box.  Or in a hand delivered bag with the word "Starbucks" on it, but alas, I digress...

I had a very significant conversation with a very good friend yesterday.  Our "just sayin' it the way it is" friendship has always been a gift.  Our conversations, even the ones when I have to listen to things I haven't wanted to hear, have always been a gift.  The support.  Advice.  Laughter.  All gifts.

I spent time with some fabulous people today.  Another gift.

I've been waiting, rather impatiently to be completely honest, for something that will take place tomorrow.  It's a gift.  So is the timing, though I haven't always seen it that way.

God gives lots of gifts.  Good ones.  Lavish ones.  Significant ones.  Eternal ones.  So, in that sense, I guess I'm glad one of my love languages is gifts...because gift giving is one of God's specialities.  Score.

Tonight, I'm taking some time to process the complexly simple gifts God gives us and the many ways He gives them.  I don't know what you're facing.  I don't know what kinds of gifts or even basic provisions you're yearning for.  I do know that I can without a shadow of a doubt proclaim that God is an "above and beyond" type of God.  He is faithful.  He adores you.  And He knows exactly what gifts you need at this moment in time. 

Can I assume He will show up for you in the same way He has for me over the last several months?  Nope. 

Can I assume that He will show up in a personal way with hand crafted gifts designed specifically for you?  Yeppers.

Will they come in nice and neat packages with predictably tied bows perched on top?  Negative.

Will they be perfect?  Absolutely.

Will we let Him give the gifts He chooses...in His way?  I hope so.  And what better way to start than with the gift of salvation and freedom that comes by way of a Christ child...

Moment by Moment

The kids have been counting down the days until Christmas.  Pretty sure that's typical this time of year.  They are excited to celebrate Jesus' birthday, hang with family, see if there are any gifts under the tree and so forth.  And then there's Camryn...when the kids ask how many days until Christmas, she wants to know how many minutes there are.  I guess Camryn isn't content with being typical.  Go figure.  And by that, I do not mean go figure out how many minutes until December 25th, because I know I sure haven't.  But, I guess, something can be learned by Camryn's moment by moment approach.  Rather than counting down days, we could enjoy each moment.  Rather than lumping this period of time altogether as "break" or a "season," we could savor each individual and unique moment in all its glory. 

I'm not always good at that.  In fact, even as I sit here typing this surrounded by children that would typically be on their way to school right now, I have started contemplating how many hours there are until bedtime.  Don't judge me...they woke up with lots of energy.  I am out of coffee, for the 3rd day in a row.  And they are loud.  But I love them.  Lots and lots.

So, perhaps it would do me some good to follow Camryn's lead.  After all, there were a lot of good moments this weekend.  Moments filled with things such as...

A van headed north filled with the sound of Christmas music.  And that's it.  No other sound except the whir of 4 little brains working hard as they colored.

Hudson contentedly playing legos for an undetermined amount of time with Uncle Ben at my grandparents' house.

Sitting at my grandma's piano, which hasn't been tuned for years, and leading the family in a Christmas sing-a-long.  Harmonies and all.

The angelic sound of my eldest singing along with the Christmas music as we headed back south.
Camryn and Brooklyn playing quietly together with their new dolls.

God's provision in the form of people willing to make sure I have a dependable vehicle to drive.

Surprises in the mail.

Children's conversations about the true meaning of Christmas.

Ashlyn's decision that while I was busy tucking the other kids she should pick up the living room for me.  (And she worked quickly, too!)

The sensitivity of a 7 year old boy, who happens to be my son, as he attempts to give me the Christmas money he received from Great Grandpa and Grandma...because I need it more than he does.

The laughing and joking and hugging and encouraging that only family and good friends can do "just right."

Spending time with a small group of people who have decided to be Jesus' hands and feet to a family in another town, whom they've never met.

And, as you can probably guess, many other random moments.  The kind that kinda hit ya in the face when they happen.  The kind that remind you life isn't all about figuring what's ahead or how many days it is until you get there.  The kind that make you stop.  Or at least hit the pause button for a moment.

If you only knew the irony of the words that I'm typing right now...boy, are my kids are in rare form today.  And it would be so easy to just try and survive the day rather than live each moment to the full.  It would be easy to count down days instead of thinking about each moment.  To be perfectly honest...I will likely fail at keeping a proper perspective at least 17 times today.  But, I'm going to try.  Moment by moment.  I will try to keep my eyes open for those "hit ya in the face" moments...for more reasons than not wanting to literally get punched.  Though around here, that's probably not a bad thing to watch out for, either.  :-)
 
 

My Thoughts on...Tonight

Tonight...I ate too much food.  And I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

Tonight...I watched an incredibly silly movie with my 4 precious kiddos.  And I couldn't tell you a thing about it.

Tonight...I rotated cuddling with each of the previously mentioned precious kiddos.  And I loved every moment of it.

Tonight...I read to, sang for and prayed over 4 little lives that are going to do big things someday for an even bigger God.  And I am humbled to be a part of it.

Tonight...I reflected on how thankful I am, how blown away, how downright flabbergasted I am at how thorough, faithful and generous God is.  And I hope I never forget it.

Tonight...though there could be a million thoughts running through my head, chaos to organize, issues to process, worries to nurse and problems to solve, I am calm and still and content in the quiet.  And that, at least to me, means I'm getting it.

I'm getting what Christ wants me to get. 

More of Him.  Less of me. 

Which results in true joy.  True fulfillment.  True peace.  True identity.  True freedom.  True completion.

And I like it.

Not every night is like this.  Last night certainly wasn't. 

But tonight is. 

And I will soak it in.

I will accept it as one of many of God's gifts to me.  Along with the many other things He's given along the way, and even as recent as earlier today.

You see, He gets me.  He knows me.  He created me.  He takes care of me.  He loves on me.  He gives gifts to me.  He protects me.  If I truly need something, He makes it happen.  And if I simply want something, He certainly could make that happen, too.  Or He might give my desires a major once-over in order to be more like His, and then give me something even better.  I think He likes doing that.  And I think He likes me, too.

So tonight...I will go to sleep unaware of what will happen next, both in the physical realm and in the spiritual.  I can crawl in between my warm flannel sheets with a confidence that He has things under control.  In my life.  My children's lives.  My friends' and families' lives.  And though He may sometimes let me help Him out as He carries out His plan, He doesn't really need me to be the project coordinator.  His credentials are slightly more impressive than mine...not that it's a competition.

Tonight...life isn't perfect.  But it's good.  Because I've let go.  I've placed this imperfect yet good life in the hands of Someone who can handle it...

I do hope you'll join me.

Peace.

It started quite a few nights ago, though I'm not exactly sure when.  We chat a little.  We read a book.  We read the devotion for the day.  We pray.  And then she looks at me with those big 6-year old blue eyes and says: "Sing to me, please, Mommy.  The Christmas Jesus song." 

So I do. 

I sing Silent Night to her.  She looks at me as if I am the most accomplished vocalist in the history of the universe.  She settles in, cuddles her favorite animal and smiles at me.  Half way through, she pretends to start to fall asleep.  She flutters her eyelashes, sighs and tries to make her smile look sleepy.  I let her think that she's convinced me every time.  And after I sing the words "sleep in heavenly peace" to my precious girl, I caress her cheek, kiss her forehead and say good night to my angel.  Who then turns over to her left side and pulls her knees up to enter into a true sleep, just like her mommy does when it's finally time to call it a day.

Regardless of what the day has been like...regardless of how loud the winter wind is blowing outside...regardless of what the next day has in store...she is content.  Happy.  Safe. 

Peaceful. 

Several weeks back the name for Jesus I was studying was Prince of Peace...a name we hear a lot this time of year.  Yet we all know how this season can be turned into something about as far from peaceful as you can get.  Ironically, I think I'm in the midst of one of the most peaceful Christmas seasons I've experienced for quite some time.  It's not the most perfect.  Certainly not the most predictable.  There are good days and bad.  There are "windy" days and calmer ones.  But I'm content.  Not content in the sense that I'm satisfied with who I am as a person with no desire to grow anymore.  That's not it at all.  But content because as I look at things through different eyes, it's easier and easier to see who God is and how He so desperately cares about each and every one of us.  When that realization sinks in, there truly is a peace that surpasses human understanding.  A true peace. 

That true peace isn't just absence of chaos, conflict or the like.  It's not just that tranquility that we all crave.  The Hebrew word, Shalom, is referring to wholeness.  Completion.  And that's a side of peace that I'm living in this year.  The Greek word for peace is eirene.    In the book of Mark it is linked to healing, actually.  Interesting, isn't it?  Especially when you connect that to not just physical healing, but spiritual and emotional as well.  Another side of peace that I'm seeing these days, as you may have already read in this post .

God provides peace.  He designed it.  He IS peace.  Peace comes out of surrender and confession and righteousness (Isaiah 32:17).   It shows up in the form of wholeness and contentment.  It doesn't mean things will necessarily be calm, perfect or quiet.  It does mean that even in the midst of difficulty, there will be a sense of  "it's going to be OK..."  Not just a sense.  A promise from God Himself.

I realize that those first few nights of Jesus' life were likely not an accurate representation of our human definition of peace.  There was crying.  Animals making noises.  Unpleasant odors.  Fears.  Uncertainties.  And a spiritual battle of epic proportions.  But this peace that I'm talking about isn't contingent on surroundings or circumstances. 

Never has been.  Never will be. 

And so I have no problem referring to the peace of the manger scene.  I have no problem singing Silent Night to my daughter every single night while she pretends to fall asleep.  And I will press in through every single storm that God thinks I can weather in order that His calming voice of peace may be revealed in deeper and richer ways.  Not because of who I am or what I'm supposedly capable of.  But because of who He is and what He does.

He is peace.  And He desires to define and provide true peace for each and every one of us.

11 of My Favorite Christmas Songs

Sometimes these "11" posts are hard to do.  I get to about number 8 or 9 and have to really think creatively.  If I was as smart as most people think I am, I would simply start a new series with a shorter list, but alas, I'm a stubborn girl.  And I refuse to let the randomly selected number eleven beat me.  However, this time I may have a hard time narrowing it down...I'm a big fan of Christmas music.  We shall see...

1.  I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day by Casting Crowns.  Two years ago I played this song hundreds of times.  Literally.  I know this because my iTunes kept track of it for me.  Apparently, I was obsessed.  At any rate, it took a bit of a back seat last year, but I am pleased to announce it has re-appeared for 2010.  I'm not sure what it is, but I simply love it.

2.  Deck the Rooftop by Glee Cast.  Just a fun tune.  And I adore watching my kids sing and dance (or shall I say prance) while they listen to it.  Lots of good songs on this album, by the way. 

3.  O Holy Night.  One of my all time favorites...which makes it hard to select what version I enjoy the most.  So, I won't.  But feel free to let me know if you have a favorite one...

4.  Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant.  So here's the thing...I kinda like Amy Grant Christmas stuff.  Additionally, I have incredibly fun (albeit slightly embarrassing) memories of the tradition I held with one of my college roommates to dress up like a pregnant Mary in the dorm (bathrobes and pillows go a long way) and do an interpretive dance to this song.  It was hilarious.  Likely, it's one of those "had to be there" moments.  But man, did we laugh at ourselves.  So did the rest of the dorm.  Don't judge me.

5.  Still, Still, Still...Mannheim Steamroller style.  What's not to love?? 

6.  Light of the Stable by Selah.  I have fond memories of performing this with some cool folks...more than once, I believe.  I love the lyrics, the beat, the harmonies and the message.

7.  The Christmas Song.  Nat King Cole.  Need I say more?

8.  O Come O Come Emmanuel sung by Kari Jobe.  I was introduced to Kari's album this year.  The entire album is fantastic.  And this song is no exception.  The anticipatory concept of the song makes it a great one in any style, but Kari's unique flare is certainly one that I enjoy.

9.  And what Christmas song list is complete without a little Harry Connick?  It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.  It makes me smile.

10.  Carol of the Bells from the Claymation Christmas Special.  I love Carol of the Bells...but this takes the cake in my book.  My family still watches the VHS from time to time.  Because that's how awesome we are.  And because I don't want you to miss this amazingly crafted video, no link clicking is necessary.  Here it is...



11.  And last but not least, Welcome to our World by Michael W. Smith.  Chris Rice does the trick, too.  Anyone does, for that matter.  If these lyrics don't pierce your heart, I'm not sure what will...

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting
Welcome Holy Child, Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home, please make Yourself at home

Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence
Welcome to our world, welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born, unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy
Perfect Son of God, perfect Son of God


Well, there you have it.  The most incomplete "11 Things" post I've ever written.  The most sincerest of apologies to Barry Manilow, Point of Grace, Evie, Todd Agnew, Josh Groban, Celine Dion and the many others artists of awesome songs that I didn't have room to list. 

Hopefully you aren't offended that the California Raisins out-ranked you. 

Two or Three

"When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there." (Matthew 18:20, The Message)

It's not a magic formula. 

It's not a secret recipe.

And I'm not sure if dolls really count...

But it's a reality.  Hang out with one or two other people, and God's all over it.

The catch is this:  What's your intent?  Purpose?  Goal?  Desire?  Heart? 

Who is it about?

I'm a people person.  Always have been.  Probably always will be.  People energize me.  And being the extrovert that I am (I know...most of you are shocked to hear that I'm an extrovert), I find spending time with great amounts of people rather enjoyable.  Having said that, I am growing more and more appreciative of the threes.  And the twos.  Because when you're able to enter in to conversation or prayer in those smaller groups, and your heart is pure as to what the purpose of that conversation or prayer is, God shows up.  Big.  And I like it.

I've started meeting with 2 other ladies weekly to just "be."  We're getting to know each other better.  Sharing life.  Processing stuff.  Laughing at ourselves.  The purpose?  It's not complicated:  to get real with one another.  Be there to encourage and challenge each other.  And the coolest of us drink coffee as well.  :-)  No church walls involved.  It's refreshing.  Our times together have nothing to do with anything other than living life...because of Him.  So we know that He's there.

I have another individual that I spend time on the phone with frequently.  It's just the two of us...well, and whatever child happens to feel that I'm ruining their life by being on the phone for more than 2 minutes.  Seriously...when I get to heaven, I'm going to ask God why it is that children are quiet until the phone rings.  And then it's WWIII.  I'm sure He'll have a great answer to that one.  OK, what was I saying?  Ah yes, it's just the two of us.  She asks me a lot of hard questions.  And I know I can answer them with complete transparency.  Because we're on that phone call because of Him.  So we know that He's there.  And if He's there, then nothing needs to be feared and much is to be expected.

Beyond His presence, though, is the promise that God will spring into action when we gather in His name and pray for something.  That doesn't mean He'll give us whatever we want as long as we invite a friend to come pray with us.  Though I can remember "claiming" that verse as a teenager...while praying for things that were clearly not in God's will for me.  Kinda makes me chuckle.  If I were a better trained philosopher, this post would likely be a lot longer and way more in depth on this whole concept.  But all I really want to say right now is that God clearly thinks there is power in numbers.  Power in the spiritual realm, though I can't really articulate exactly how.  And power in the physical realm, which is a little easier to see when you experience that raw, authentic and personal relationship with like-minded, God fearing people that are willing to hit their knees with you.  Does that make sense to anyone other than me?  Simply put, God calls us a body for a reason.  We need each other.  Not just to boost each other's egos, sweep stuff under the rug with, exchange courteous smiles as we walk into a church building or to issue the standard "there there" pat on the back as needed.  But to get in the trenches with one another.  To be used in each other's lives.  To ask those hard questions.  To confess.  Rejoice.  Mourn.  And to pray together.  Really pray.

You know that satisfying feeling of being a part of something bigger than you are?  To take a step back and realize that you are sitting/standing/working alongside a bunch of other people for a common purpose that isn't about any of you?  Ironic that you can cut that number of people down to only 2 or 3, and it multiplies the satisfying feeling by about, oh, I don't know, infinity...as long as we can understand and commit to the "because of me" part of this verse. 

I benefit from those single digit gatherings.  The small groups.  The phone calls.  The conversations around the dinner table.  The prayer with four certain kiddos at night.  The worship time in my piano room with whichever of my children float in to be a part.  And, sure, I'll benefit from the larger gatherings, too.  Conferences.  Church services.  Retreats.  You get the idea.  But only if and when the phrase "because of..." ends with the name Jesus Christ.  If it ends with my name or your name or anyone else's, it's pointless.

So, for this extrovert who's very comfortable with large amounts of people, those smaller numbers have been taking on a new importance.  In fact, sometimes in those smaller numbers it's just plain easier to remember who it's all about.  At least for me.  And I'll gladly take the two or three over the masses if it means a greater authenticity and an easier time remembering the "because of me (meaning Christ)" aspect of gathering.  And I'll take all the help I can get to remember that...whatever it looks like.  It's always worth it.

And Suddenly I Feel Kinda Cheap

Maybe cheap isn't the right word, because there's actually quite a lot of cash represented on this stage.  Easily replaced?  Perhaps that's a better way to put it.  Either way, I do find this to be quite entertaining and impressive.  And groovable.  Is that a word?  At least I know that when my music teaching skills are out of date, my piano playing skills are beyond resuscitation and I'm too old to move around a stage while singing my least favorite Christmas song there will be plenty of other options.  Gotta love technology...iPads...iPhones.  And whatever else they've got going on.  It certainly made me smile.  And smiling is good (even if it means I have to listen to my daughter walk around the house singing Feliz Navidad....ugh)

Needs. Wants. And Surgery?

It's a familiar conversation, the one about needs versus wants.  Especially this time of year.  While what many kids (or adults, for that matter) put on their Christmas lists are wants, there are many that are able to get needs met.  Like the shoeboxes we send.  Angel Tree recipients.  Compassion kids.  And there are many others...  This whole need versus want conversation is a good one to have.  A healthy one.  One that brings perspective and can be a huge catalyst for growth.  Though my kids are like many others, and tend to get a little cloudy on the whole thing from time to time, they are learning the difference as they are given the opportunity.  Which I'm pretty happy about. 

As adults, I believe we struggle with the same thing.  What we actually need compared to what we just want...and it's not just limited to our material possessions.  We have more layers to our world than children often do, so that whole need/want thing shows up in more places.  But it's one and the same. 

I haven't posted about my Praying the Names of Jesus book lately.  I've continued to go through it, and have gleaned so many powerful truths from it, which will likely surface here at some point.  But this week, the name under the microscope is Christ, Messiah.  As I was reading yesterday, the "need versus want" concept popped up in a rather unconventional way.  Or shall I say in a refreshing way.  A different way. 

Ann Spangler uses the example of Peter taken from Matthew 16.  In this passage, Peter declares that Jesus is the Christ.  The Messiah.  Good move on his part.  And then Jesus mentions suffering.  Death.  And Peter rebukes Him.  As Ann puts it, "Peter was guilty of trying to reshape Jesus into the Messiah he wanted, not the Messiah he needed."  Not such a good move. 

Clearly.

Yet, how often do we do the same thing?

Take the example of someone in need of surgery.  Now, I've never had major surgery, but from what I've been told, it's not really the most wonderful thing in the world to experience.  But if you need it, you need it.  A band-aid won't do.  Absurd to think that someone in need of surgery would turn it down for a box of band-aids.  Even if they did have cartoon characters on them.

Clearly.

Yet, how often do we do the same thing?

The Messiah we need versus the Messiah we want.  All too often, we (and I'm certainly throwing myself in there...believe you me) want the quick fix.  The band-aid.  The easy button.  Just seems more pleasurable, and we figure that it will be good enough.  We don't want the exploration.  The pain.  The recovery time.  The healing.  Even though it will be much better in the long run. 

We want an immediate, predictable and "safe" Messiah.  When what we really need is a thorough, over the top, extreme and stretching Messiah.  But, to use Ann's words again, He is not the doctor who performs cosmetic surgery when what a patient really needs is a quadruple bypass. 

Yet, how often do we ask Him to do just that?

As I've already said, I've never had major surgery.  I've had four kids.  I've had four wisdom teeth removed.  A minor toe thing once...but nothing too major.  Until a week and a half ago, when I experienced a spiritual surgery of sorts.  Now, I don't know if I would have used that terminology myself, but as I was spending some time in the kind of gut-wrenching, soul-searching prayer that leaves you ready for a big fat nap afterwards, my mentor (whom I was praying with) whispered to me that God needed to do some surgery and point out some things He wanted to remove.  But, she assured me, He would be gentle.  Super.  Sounds like fun, eh?  Needless to say, I was just a tad uncertain of what on earth I was about to experience.  And frankly, I could never adequately describe it.  But as I sat there and continued to listen, I understood why she called it surgery.  It was rather uncomfortable for a time.  But, as I sorted through some things and let God do His thing, the discomfort subsided and was replaced with peace and wholeness.  Something a spiritual band-aid or some extra cosmetics never would have accomplished.

His thoughts and ways are higher than ours.  He desires the very best for us...prosperity, not destruction.  Peace, not anxiety.  Truth, not lies.  And what a journey it is to come to a place where we can fully realize and trust that He knows the best way to get us there.

I don't have it figured out.  I have failed and will likely continue to fail in the area of discerning between what I truly need and what I simply want.  But this I know...as long as I'm willing to sort through and be honest about those things in question, God will guide me to a place where I can come to a conclusion.  A correct conclusion.  And typically, those conclusions and subsequent answers are way over my head.  More than I could ever ask or imagine.  It's all about being teachable.  Not about being perfect.  Which is fantastic news for someone as imperfect as me.

I adore the music of Lifehouse.  They have an amazing song/skit combo entitled "Everything" that has been really popular on Youtube.  I'm certain I've posted it on my blog before, but if you want to see it, click here.   As you listen, take note of the words of the chorus.  They are one way to sum up these realizations that I've come to as of late:

God can provide all we need. 

And He is also quite capable of giving us what we want. 

But He's far more interested in actually being all we need and all we want.

Getting closer and closer to that place is my goal.  Surgery and all.

Next Year, She Will Wear Pants.

Yesterday morning was the children's program at church.  Ashlyn and Camryn were in it.  Brooklyn's preschool class sang as well.  They all did a smashing job.  Brooklyn was decked out in hand me downs from her older sister and carried herself as if she was a queen.  I love watching her when she feels "fancy."  Ashlyn is quite the little performer...I could just watch and listen to her all day.  As a mom I'm probably supposed to say how awesome she is.  And she is definitely awesome.  As a music teacher that's been involved in my share of dramatic productions, well, she's awesome from that perspective, too.  And then there's Camryn.  The one that people actually told me they had a hard time not watching the entire time.  Great news.  :-)  Pretty little voice.  Expressive.  Did well with her lines.  But if someone got out a camera (which was frequently) she stopped everything she was doing to strike a pose.  She danced the entire time (that girl doesn't listen to music...she feels it).  She even threw in a bit of marching for good measure.  And she knew exactly what she was doing.  Ashlyn may be a natural performer, but Camryn knows how to put on a show.  Which is why she will wear pants next year...because the type of show she put on this morning is probably not all that appropriate for church.  Enough said.  Though, I've got to give her credit.  In between services I told her to not scratch her tights the entire time.  Perhaps swinging her dress around repeatedly (albeit with a bit too much enthusiasm) helped with the itch??  Who knows with her.  She is something else...in a good way of course.  To know Camryn is to love her.  That's just how it is.  I mean, seriously, how can you not love that mischievous smile and big blue eyes...and the ability to flash an audience in a choreographically sound manner at the age of 6?  Sigh...

Seriously, though, I love seeing kids that put a program and the adults that are there to encourage, support and teach them.  It's a good thing, on so many levels.  And I was very proud of each and every one of them.  Plus, you get to see who's kindhearted and who's hardcore when it comes to people trying to save their seats during Sunday School.  Kinda makes me giggle.  Just a little bit.  Truth be told, I've turned in to one of those seat savers myself...which gives me permission to giggle.  Right?

Speaking of Sunday School...I didn't make it there today (which is why I was able to watch the seat savers).  I had an awesome chat with a friend.  I'm so thankful for those completely unexpected encounters that God schedules without our permission.

And speaking of God's schedule...it's always perfect, whether permission has been granted or not.  I've been reminded of that repeatedly this weekend. 

Speaking of this weekend...OK, never mind.  That's not going to work.  Better quit while I'm ahead I suppose.  Well, maybe I'll quit after two more random comments:

1.  I shoveled snow for the first time of the season.  Still invigorating to get outside and get moving.  Still love the snow.  And my kids still think it's socially acceptable to come out in their stocking feet and ask me what I'm doing.  Does the shovel in my hand not give it away??

2.  I'm planning on watching The Sing Off tonight.  I don't watch too much TV these days...but since it's a short term commitment and it features a cappella music, which I've always been a sucker for, I'll give it a shot.  I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Speaking of disappointing...this post is rather lame.  Well, except the part about my kids being awesome.  Because awesomeness of that magnitude is far from lame.  Oh...and just to make sure Hudson doesn't read this and feel left out...he's awesome, too.  Obviously.

So, here's to what I hope will be a non-lame week for each of you.  And maybe one for myself, too. 

The End.

And someone, please do remind me to dress Camryn in pants next year...I'll sleep a few times between now and then. 

Hopefully.

If It's Good Enough For Them, Well, You Know...

OK, parents, you know the drill...we tell our kids that they need to do or not do a certain thing, say or not say a certain word, be or not be a certain way, etc., etc., etc.  And then we ignore our own advice.  Because we can.  Because we're the grown-ups.  And, I think that sometimes that's probably somewhat appropriate.  However, I've had one too many times recently where the title of this post has run through my mind...and so I figured it was time for me to just deal with it.  I'm realizing more and more that if something is good enough for me to take the time to encourage the kids to make a particular realization, I should probably explore whether or not I should realize it myself.  So without further ado, here are a few of those realizations (courtesy of my day yesterday)...

The Realization:  I should probably start wearing a coat when I go places. 
The Story:  I got stranded.  Yes, it was in a parking lot.  Yes, there were people around and a nice, warm building literally a few feet away.  And yes, someone too cool for words came to my rescue before I got frostbite.  BUT...the point is, if I make my kids take a coat with them wherever we go "just in case," I should probably do the same.

The Realization:  My kids' devotions are typically more for me than they are for them.
The Story:  Every night I read my kids devotions and think about how I hope I'm not hogging all the significance of the words on the page.  I try to leave a little of the aha factor for them, but it's hard to do when almost every doggone devotion hits me squarely between the eyes.  It's starting to get a little obnoxious, actually.  When I saw the title of my daughter's devotion last night I responded very spiritually by saying "oh crap."  This is bad for two reasons.  Number One: We don't say that word in my house.  I slipped.  And not a thing needed to be spoken to confirm my guilt.  Ashlyn is very well practiced up on her "mom eyes."  I apologized.  Number Two:  I confirmed to her what one of my many issues is.  As if she didn't already know.  Sheesh.  But, needless to say, if the lessons are good enough for the kids, they're good enough for me. 

The Realization:  There is great power to whatever it is we listen to.
The Story:  You can tell what musical phase I'm going through based on what my kids sing under their breath around the house.  Brooklyn has been singing what she calls the Pippi Longstocking Song.  Camryn has been wandering around singing "ella, ella, ella, hey, hey, hey."  Any guesses on what I've been listening to in the van??  Glee.  And apparently the "Start Me Up/Livin' on a Prayer" and "Singing in the Rain/Umbrella" mash-ups in particular.  I still don't know how Brooklyn gets Pippi Longstocking out of any lyrics connected to Bon Jovi, but whatever.  I was notorious for screwing up lyrics when I was younger, too.  Whatever goes into our brains bounces around in there for awhile.  Whether we want it to or not.  Now, if we're listening to Philippians 4:8 stuff (true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy), then we're in good shape.  If not, we aren't.  At times, I have spent far too long listening to people say things that I just don't need to listen to.  That I shouldn't listen to.  Untrue, wrong, trashworthy, non-excellent stuff.  It bounces around.  And then I have to deal with it.  Had I taken control of my ears and not listened to it in the first place, things would be much smoother.  (Take that to the next logical step, and we'd have to start thinking about whether our mouths are being the source of Philippians 4:8 stuff...but that's a different post)

The Realization:  God's got it covered.  Enough said.
The Story:  I was sitting in the doctor's office yesterday with the four kids.  We were fine in the waiting room...it's spacious.  Then we went back to that little tiny room with just 2 chairs and enough non-touchable stuff to make any mother of young children break into a cold sweat.  Needless to say, those four turned into creatures from outer space, engaging in behavior that simply cannot be normal for any human being.  OK, maybe I'm exaggerating.  But just a little.  At any rate, we were there to continue the process of Hudson's journey and talk about a few meds for the dude.  Out of nowhere, and in the form of an interruption, Hudson blurts out: "Mom, how will we pay for this.  You only have 20 cents."  The doctor laughs.  I chuckle, knowing that Hudson said that because he had to count the change in my wallet for a homework assignment, and I only had 20 cents at the time.  I laughed it off.  Then Hudson's face got very serious as he looked at me and said, "No, Mom, I'm serious.  How much money will this medicine cost?"  My response was simple and instantaneously wiped the concern from his face.  "Don't worry, buddy.  God's got it covered.  Remember how well He takes care of us?  There's no need to worry."  Which I believed with all my heart.  Until a few hours later when I was at the pharmacy check-out.  Talk about ouchie.  As I sat in the van (which was refusing to start at the moment), God reminded me of all the ways He has been the Provider...and even the Provision itself.  He's got it covered.  He really does.  His track record is AMAZING.  And quite out of the box.  Enough said.

We've all used the phrase "out of the mouths of babes" at one time or another.  Perfectly timed, it can be quite funny or cute or even profound to say it.  But what about all the times that we ignore what we grown-ups say to those babes?  Maybe it's the ears of babes we should pay attention to sometimes...what they are hearing, processing, bouncing around.  And then do the same thing.  Though I'm a few years older than my kids, sometimes I feel like I'm learning at the same rate or on the same level as they are.  I suppose that's not all bad.  And it's likely that I'm further than I think most of the time.  But even if it does mean I'm a tad behind in my learning process, I can't afford to dwell on any regrets...I simply keep moving forward.  Good stuff is good stuff, no matter how old you are.  And truly, if it's good enough for them, it better be good enough for me.  Right?
 

This...

This...

...could be a new tradition in the making.  Problem is, in my mind anyway, it was supposed to take the place of this...

But, the children have accumulated quite a number of ornaments (and maybe me, too)...far too many to fit on the tree first pictured.  So, last night, with the help of this...

...and an entire pot of this...

...I managed to complete this...

...which kind of defeated the purpose of this...

BUT, it was all worthwhile when I saw the smiles of the kids as they came downstairs this morning, turned the corner and discovered that their "big" tree was up and they would be able to add to my decorating with the remainder of their special ornaments.  Also making it worthwhile was the fact that I had plenty of room for this...

...which just so happens to be my favorite ornament nestled in the midst of 3 strands of my favorite type of lights.  Bubble lights.  Ah, yes.  It doesn't get much better than that...I mean, "this."

And, in case you wondered, the tree we cut down is standing in my piano room.  It's trying really hard to find the best way to showcase it's character amidst all my black and gold music themed ornaments.  Not sure it will be successful.  But such is life.  Perhaps some ribbon will help...

So, that is last night in a nutshell.  As much as I was hoping to avoid that tree and all the bins that are required to decorate it, all's well that ends well.  And surprisingly, I don't even have any material to write a Christmas Tree Therapy post as I did 2 years ago.  That, my friends, is a miracle.  And probably what I wanted to avoid in the first place...

There you have it.  And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to finish my snack made up of this...

...and go to bed.

Aren't you glad you read this?  ;-)