This One's For You, Tracy...Part 2

In my last post, I shared about the passing of a good friend of mine from high school. And though I typically strive to be "strong, independent Becky," as people called me in college, losing Tracy really threw me for a loop. I was sad. I was confused. I was forced to deal with unexpected emotions and memories that surfaced. Of course, on the flip side, I was blessed. I was ministered to. And I am in awe of how big our God is, and how He uses people and situations to make HUGE impact. Let me explain...

I am the worship leader at our church. I also lead worship with a bunch of incredibly astounding teens for youth group each Wednesday night. Wednesday nights may very well be one of my favorite times of the week. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with these students. Watching friendships develop with each other and the different youth sponsors is a joy. Watching them cut loose and have fun is a blast. Watching them learn, process, pray and grow is incredibly fulfilling. But, to be honest, watching them walk through the tough stuff that teens are forced to face isn't always fun. I feel for them. I hurt for them.

I'm all about being real in worship. I don't subscribe to the "leave your troubles at the door and just come worship" theory. I think God would much rather us bring it all with us...all the hurt and junk and confusion and anger. He can handle it. It doesn't change who He is or how He views us. And so that's what I try to encourage our teens to do. Last week, however, it was time for me to do that. Though I'm not proud of it, I absolutely tried to avoid it.

I found out that Tracy died last Tuesday. Her death had consumed my thoughts and emotions since that moment. But as I walked into church Wednesday night, I was completely prepared to pretend I wasn't hurting. After all, I'm a leader. And I had a "job" to do. And fun Becky is way more appealing to hang out with. But I had it all wrong. And luckily, some good friends were willing to push me to the point of realizing I had it all wrong. Though I had been resisting all day, I finally gave in when one of the other youth sponsors asked if I would share that I was hurting that night and allow the teens to pray for me. He didn't realize that his idea was the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak. I agreed, and it changed me.

There I stood, in the middle of the youth center. And as every last student and sponsor got out of their chairs and stood around me, laying hands on me, praying out loud for me and the others that cared about Tracy, I realized something. I came very close to stealing this opportunity for these students to minister. To be Jesus. To give of themselves and follow Biblical instruction to "mourn with those who mourn." Who am I to take that away from them? And just because of my pride? Talk about selfish.

But that's not all. It also gave everyone in that room a chance to see that I'm a normal human being, though slightly obnoxious at times, with hurts. And when I talk about worshiping God despite, and sometimes because of, the junk that life throws at us...I'm willing to try and do the same. I'm far from perfect. But I try. And like I said before, God can handle anything and everything.

The rest of our time together as a youth group last Wednesday was pretty special. There was just something about it...it's hard to explain. A few students committed their lives to Christ, and I was able to make new connections with a few students. It was a great night. A night that I was able to share with Tracys parents the next day as I traveled up to Yale, Michigan for the funeral.

I was able to share with them that a youth group in Wakarusa, Indiana had prayed for them. And though I won't go into all the details, every last thing that took place in our little town in Northern Indiana on Wednesday night linked beautifully with what God was doing in another little town in the thumb of Michigan. Only God can put puzzle pieces like that together. And to think that my stupid pride could have gotten in the way...

Though the seemingly early death of Tracy was tragic, the service was beautiful. Many unsaved individuals were there and heard about the joy and fulfillment that Tracy found in Jesus Christ. Her sister sang. One of her daughters read a poem she had written. Funny stories were shared. But most importantly, God was honored. And Tracy wouldn't have had it any other way. As her mom said to my dad and I, if this was what it would take to get some of her friends to accept Christ, Tracy would lay her life down in a second.

So, thanks WMC teens. You rock my socks off. Thanks, dear friends, for encouraging me to mourn...to be real...and to look at the bigger picture. And thanks to Sandy and Bonnie. Your daughter was awesome. Your strength is inspiring. Your laughs are contagious. And that go-cart incident at your house when Tracy and I were in high school...well, so much for not telling my dad about it. :-) At least I'm too old for him to ground me now...

Take a chance today. Be real. Who knows what God has in mind...